We don't know where we're going, but isn't it fun to go?

Most of the time when you wake up in the morning you never think that your life could change by the end of the day; or even within the first few minutes.

Out of the past decade of my life I've wasted a lot of years. I've done nothing with them and spent most of the time spinning my wheels and hoping for miracles that never came. Somewhere along the line I'd forgotten that a human being has to, on occasion, make their own miracles happen. Sometimes you have to search them out.

And sometimes, picking a direction - any direction - is better than sitting around doing nothing. It doesn't matter what is at the end of the road you choose; it only matters that you move.

It all leads to something. In my case it leads to self-respect and the battling of intellectual inertia.

You see, if all goes well, I'll be heading back to college in January. I blew it the first time around, but I'm not the same person I was a decade ago. I'm a little embarrassed about the school I'll be going to; it's not The Big University With A Good Reputation (where I blew it the first time). It's a local college with somewhat of a joke reputation around here. "You don't go there unless no one else will take you."

It fails to matter in the end, though; it's a step forward and a foot in the door to other things. It may be late in my life, but I've always been a late bloomer.

It's a lovely program, too. It's a Liberal Studies program that will let me sink my teeth into literature again, psychology, and sociology; and that's just in the first term. These subjects are somewhat of an intellectual wet-dream for me; they are what, in my own small way, I excel at. (I've just never been a good student.)

I just remembered this one woman I went to high school with; and when I say woman, I mean woman. She might not have been the nicest person on the planet, but there she was in her 40s going back to high school during the day rather than night school or correspondence, with people who were a third her age. You have to give that woman a lot of credit for doing it. She deserves a hell of a lot of admiration for it; especially considering she was going to school with one of her own children.

What's my advice for the day? If you're feeling stuck, check into the continuing education and distance education departments of your local college - or even ones not so local. You never know what's hiding in the dusty back pages of their course catalogue.

2001 10 24 - 09:06