On display


I was not nervous on Saturday, in regards to performing the waza satisfactorily. I knew I would; or, rather, I wasn’t nervous that I wouldn’t. What did bother me was the idea of public performance. It is deeply uncomfortable for me. I do not like to be stared at; and that test is six and a half minutes of being stared at by six people whose sole purpose in life is to judge your every move.

Dislike of public performance is why I don’t sing in public, despite the fact that I know damned well that I’m beyond capable of singing well enough to do so. I don’t like being the centre of attention in that way. I did do an open mic one time a couple of years back, but I blew it I was so shaken.

I think, perhaps, that this is why I have no problem with people staring at, and judging, my art – which is pretty much the opposite of what most artists seem to feel. Look at my art, and hate it if you want, because at least you aren’t looking at me. I can detach myself from how people feel about my art; for that reason, and also because I know that out of six or seven billion opinions, negative ones are going to happen, and it’s all right if they do. It’s not possible for everyone to like everything, and you either get on board with that idea from the get-go, or get off the train.



2016 12 01 - 14:52

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art, iaido