Disclosure


Recently, in regards to "Me too" and other recent surges in open discussions of assault and abuse, I saw someone comment something along the lines of how victims should just "suck it up", that life is hard for everyone, that talking about it is just avoidance of self-responsibility, etcetera. No offence, but... actually, yes. You offended me, so I'm potentially going to offend you also, and I really don't care. To that end: Fuck you.

Now, to business.

It is not your right to decide when or how others grieve, what they need to do in order to heal, nor what others do when they're trying to show support. What you did, is show that you don't care, that you are not sympathetic, that you are not safe, and that you trivialise some of the worst pain another person can feel. I get the fact that it comes out a lot; but, guess what? If it didn't need to keep coming out, it wouldn't. We are all guilty of bad things; but sometimes reminders can stem that tide, cause us to rethink, stop us from continuing to do shameful things, or better able us to help others to stop behaving badly.

Not everyone who talks about it is laying blame; sometimes they're just detailing fault. Not every vocalisation of blame is an attempt to escape from self-responsibility either. But, when there is a victim, there is someone who deserves to be blamed; or do you not believe that someone who is guilty of something deserves blame and/or punishment? At the very least, a lesson? When I talk about my experiences, the people who abused and hurt me, it's not a question of blame, by the way. It's far more about trying to illustrate to others the sort of behaviours that hurt people, in hopes that they are more careful of how they treat others. It's also to help illustrate a little of why some of my behaviours might seem a little less than of the norm. Don't you think people deserve to know why I perhaps don't trust them as they deserve, or have as much faith in them as they deserve? Why I don't allow too many people to get too close sometimes? Should I hurt someone else by poor behaviour stemming from other poor behaviour, just because you think I shouldn't talk about the things that have happened to me?

If you were a victim, and you managed to either bury it, shrug it off, or recover from it such that you don't feel the need to "me too"; good for you. But others aren't so readily able, and it doesn't make them weaker or less valid than whatever situation it is you might have experienced. If you have never been a victim, I hope like hell you never are. It would be terrible, wouldn't it, to experience something so wrenchingly traumatic, turn to look for some sympathy or help, and find that everyone around you is telling you to suck it up and stop bothering them with your trivial concerns.



2017 11 19 - 03:33

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