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I accidentally hit someone else's sword in class today ... with my sensei's sword ... while people were looking. I do okay when I'm only being observed by my sensei or whichever sempai is working with me, but the minute it gets to the point in the show where we have to display what we’ve learned that day, I turn into a bumbling stooge. Everyone. Stops. And Watches.
I am no fan of being scrutinised. I can't sing in public. I don't like being looked at. When it comes to ever testing for Iaido, it's going to be a disaster. When you test, it's large groups of people. It isn't in your dojo. A gymnasium full of people could be there. I figured out on the way home that this may be one small part of why my art is the one situation in which I don't care about the observance - because they aren't looking at me.
Far as I know, they only do testing every December, so I have just over a year to get over it.
And clearly I am getting to the point where using a bokken is no longer appropriate, because my sensei keeps taking it away from me and giving me one of his swords.