25 Things You Do as an Adult When You've Experienced Childhood Emotional Abuse
2017 06 22
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Emotional abuse can manifest differently. It leaves scars, pain, and sorrows that you don't remember having. Especially when it happens in your childhood. As an adult you have the stability to handle it, but as a kid? It stays with you for the rest of your life. But how exactly do you behave when you're emotionally abused as a child? TheMighty recently asked their community about it and the results were heartbreaking.
1 - Conflict - Hearing other people's fights ... freezes me up. I feel stuck sometimes, too; like a fly trapped on paper it can't get off of. Or, rather, a deer trapped in a car's headlights.
2 - Compliments - Sometimes I have no idea what to do with them. I think that with some kinds of compliments, I just have no idea how to attach to it or have contact with it.
3 - Achievements - With me, I just try to never get myself into situations where I might be forced to ask for evaluation. That way, I'll never have to know. I just don't ask people's opinions. If they offer, I take it; but I do my best not to openly fish for it.
4 - Asocial - Sort of. I don't like parties, large groups of people, I always feel lost in them. I end up hiding in a corner at parties, feeling that I'm not a part of the group, that no one will be interested in my company. I like small groups, or one-on-one.
5 - Trust issues - Well I'm sure not very good at having faith in people.
11 - Rejecting love - As desperate as might be for it, I avoid situations where it might happen.
14 - Don't ask for help - I used to be terrible for it; I didn't want anyone to think I was stupid. I still don't want to be thought of as stupid. My life is so solitary most of the time, though, that being self-sufficient is sort of necessary.
15 - Growing attached - I have an issue that way, but I'm not going into that openly. But yeah, attachment issues. They're there.
16 - Shy - I was horribly timid as a child; so much so that my one Aunt nick-named me "Mousie". I'm better at talking with people now, but I'm still not … forward.
17 - Hiding parts of yourself - All the time, every day.
18/19 - Low self-esteem/self-worth - Well, it's hard to have that when you grew up with an alcoholic who had no problem calling you a cunt. it's also hard to find value in yourself when you grew up with someone who spent all their time talking about how great other people were, but never said good things to you. It happened so rarely, in fact, that I received compliments from the people who raised me, that it would shock me when it happaned.
22 - Pacifism - I used to avoid conflict like it was an unholy plague.
24 - Don't know the kind of person you are - That's for damned sure. I feel, sometimes, that whatever is on the outside does not match whatever is on the inside. More specifically, I don't know who this external person is; and, a great deal of the time, I don't want to be it, or it appears like a stranger to me.
When growing up, the raising that we receive has much to do with our coping skills as an adult. And I have noticed that I, and other victims of emotional abuse, have certain behaviors that separate us from the rest. If you, or someone you know was a victim of abuse, then you may want to read through these. Just being able to understand where another person is coming from, or understanding yourself better, can make all the difference.
4 - You Are Tough, But Also Very Sensitive - Gawd I can take a lot - sarcasm, ribbing, crap - but not all the time, not every day. Sometimes I wish people would just be chill and quiet and say something nice to me.
6 - You Are Self-Disciplined - Not really, but I sure have gotten used to a life where I don't take certain kinds of help from people.
9 - You Have a Defensive Nature - I won't deny that. I don't take well to being thought of as stupid. I don't always understand a person's motives in what they say to me.
13 - Constantly Beating Yourself Up - I take on a lot of gut-rotting guilt for simple things sometimes, misperceived slights or offences I only think I've caused - generally there's no basis. The other party's forgotten about it.
14 - Having Issues Getting Close to Others - I do very well at things when I can keep people at arm's length, keep control of the situation.
15 - You Are Quiet - No, talkative, sharing, but a friend once said that I was very good at talking about myself without saying anything. I do like my down time though.
18 - You Don't Feel Valid - No, never.
20 - You Are Angry - I'm not a violent person, not that kind of angry. I'm … frustrated angry, crying angry, sad angry. Lost time, lost opportunities, opportunities that I never got but should have.
26 - You Are Humble - No, I don't think so; but I don't deal well with people complimenting me for having been so tough, or how I deal with my disability, or anything like that. My life was my life. I don't feel like I've done anything special or noble. Especially since I'm far from perfect and have many flaws.