Father's Day
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Although I've met my father, I've had very little communication with him, and none for a few years now. I'm not even entirely certain where he is. (2025 06 10: Alberta, apparently, according to his ex-wife. That's been at least seven or eight years by now, and he's yet to tell me this himself. But it sure isn't the first time he's "run away" from me.)
I do not particularly care if he thinks of me. He was never a part of my life, so not someone I consider in that fashion; but, there are moments I wonder if he considers me. On Father's Day, his birthday, does he have a passing thought regarding me?
I feel silly having these thoughts at my age. It sounds like the ego of youth, something I should long past have let go by the wayside.
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I still sometimes miss my grandfather who raised me, and whom I think of as "father". I hate the way he died. I hate that my anger was the last thing he heard from me.
I try not to think of this much at all, because I really don't like how it makes me feel. It hurts in that slicing, aching way that really gets through your intestines.